THE UPS AND DOWNS OF PARENTING

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the drive before it has stopped snowing.

"There is only one pretty child in the world and every mother has it." - Chinese Proverb.

Mother's of teens know why animals eat their young.

If your parents did not have any children, chances are you won't either.

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Children will soon forget your presents, they will always remember your presence. - Dobson

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.

We child-proofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.

Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.

I love to give homemade gifts... which one of my kids do you want?

Familiarity breeds children.

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it.

Ever notice that a human baby doesn't walk until it's tall enough to reach a parent's hand?

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.

The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.

Give your children these two things. One is roots, the other, wings.

They say kids brighten the home. That's because they never turn the damn lights off.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

Mom says too much candy will spoil my dinner. Well, dinner's spoiled - so where's dessert?

"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job." - Roseanne

I was explaining to my daughter that she couldn't always have everything she wanted, and said: 'You can't have your cake and eat it too.' Without skipping a beat she replied: 'Then I just won't eat ALL of it!'

Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.

If you really want to hurt your parents and don't have nerve enough to be homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts.

My niece was watching a game of tug-of-war on TV one day and began to look very disturbed, then turned to her mom and said, 'those people sure do need to learn how to share!'

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.

We didn't know what true joy and happiness was until we had kids - then it was too late.

We don't inherit the Earth from our parents, we borrow it from our children.

My kids are the reason for everything. The reason everything is out of place, broken and dirty.

Laughter is like changing a baby's nappy. It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more acceptable for awhile.

This is what my 5 year old son said to his father when he was told he could have his own computer, 'Can I get on the interstate with it?'

Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet I'll put shoes on my cat.

The difference between snot and broccoli? Kids won't eat broccoli.

Just be glad I'm not your kid!

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? A common enemy...tee hee tee hee

Raising a child is like baking a cake - by the time you find out it's a disaster, it's too late.

You know you're a parent when your child's  doubles as your purse.

Today's children would be less spoiled if we could spank grandparents!

Sign seen in our veterinarian's office: "All children left unattended will be given a free kitten."